Frantic Fight
by Puph 17
Summary: Ruby and Sapphire won't stop arguing. Neither Wally or Emerald have a good solution.


**Author's Note: Well, this was meant for humor, so hopefully the characters aren't too OOC.**

* * *

"Listen, ya pansy! Butter comes from actual cows! It's real stuff! Not like that marga-whatever crap your trying to sell me! Crap! All of it is crap!" bellowed Sapphire.

"Margarine is in vogue!" yelled Ruby. "Vegetable oil is elegant and simple!"

"No, it's a load of crap!" insisted Sapphire. "Butter is all natural which makes it better!"

"Whatever, _barbarian,_" sniffed Ruby pretentiously.

Wally sighed. The argument over whether to stock the secret base with butter or margarine had been raging for at least an hour at this point. With Ruby in staunch support of margarine and Sapphire championing the cause of butter. Why did those two have to argue all the time? Emerald had gone off a few minutes ago in search of something, which had left him here as the sole mediator in case things got out of hand. He was dejectedly attempting to resign himself to his fate with a rather lukewarm glass of Aspear Berry juice. It wasn't helping at all.

It wasn't a problem with the secret base. On the contrary, it was a nice secret base that they shared. Sapphire had furnished a variety of natural plants to adorn the walls and ceiling. Ruby had personally knit mats and curtains and had even found matching outdoor style furniture for the otherwise natural base. Emerald had set up most of the electronics, including a generator which powered a small fridge, lights and a dehumidifier. Wally had contributed some of the glasswork he'd made while apprenticed to the glassblower in Fallarbor Town. Not only had his lungs grown much stronger from his apprenticeship, but he'd also managed to produce several unique glass pieces for decoration. Hopefully, with the argument at hand, they'd remain unbroken. He'd worked hard on those.

"Oh, all right, _fancy pants_. Tell me, isn't what I wear a fashion style? Aren't all clothes part of some kind of fashion?" said Sapphire.

"Well, technically, yes," sputtered Ruby.

"So, because I wear the outfit that I do, that means that I'm wearing a fashion style, right? So, I'm not only fashionable _and_ a better fighter then you who isn't crippled by being deathly afraid of dirt!"

Ruby sputtered indignantly. "Sapphire, your 'fashion' is _NOT _fashionable by anybody's standards! I could crochet mittens with better fashion then your entire wardrobe combined!"

"Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try!"

"I think I will!"

"I want to see it, you know!" yelled Sapphire. "I don't think you can do it!"

Ruby puffed out his chest and retorted furiously.

There was _always_ something going on with the two of them. Usually it was just a few snippy comments back and forth. However, every now and again, they got into a massive blowout argument. This was where the problems arose. If you tried to tell them that they needed to stop arguing, they would stop for a little, before finding something to argue about later. If you told them that they were too loud, they would both accuse the other of shouting too loudly, stoking the argument into overdrive. Professor Birch had once mentioned that they argued like an old married couple. This was met with adamant denials and immediate embarrassment for the two of them before the two had turned on their heels and disappeared. This had gotten them apart long enough to stop the fight. However, when Emerald had tried the same line a few weeks later, they had yelled at him for reading too much into things before continuing to yell at each other over the finer points of brushing a Pokemon's fur. Which coincidentally, they'd returned to arguing about.

"How I brush a Pokémon's hair is fine! You don't need any fancy techniques!" yelled Sapphire.

"No! It's not! Your technique is all wrong! I told you last time but you didn't listen!" shouted Ruby.

"Because you were wrong! Your technique pulls the hair of the Pokémon! It hurts the Pokémon more, you bozo!"

"You only pull hair if you do it wrong! My technique increases the shininess of the fur! The difference is night and day!"

"It doesn't matter when a Pokémon's rolling around in the dirt or mud! Which is what they do in the wild, moron! That's how they're meant to live!"

"Pokémon are things of beauty, cavewoman!" yelled Ruby. "How dare you treat them as anything less than that!"

At this point, Wally and Emerald had had more than enough. Which had started the pranks. Ruby had found his clothes freshy rolled in dirt one day. Sapphire had found her bandannas doused with cheap perfume with a very strong and obnoxious odor. They'd both found their Pokeballs hidden around their respective houses. When that had failed, the two had set up a meeting and sat down and tried to formulate a plan to get them to stop arguing with Sapphire's parents and Ruby's parents. Apparently, they had also been trying to get the two to stop arguing as well. While a lot of good ideas had been floated at the meeting, no consensus on a solution had been hit upon yet. If there was a silver lining though, Ruby's mom had brought snacks. Wally's mouth watered just thinking about it. Ruby's mom made _fantastic _Pecha muffins, there was no doubt about that. Easy top 10 contender in all of Hoenn. Unfortunately, it did little in the moment to make Wally's current predicament any more bearable.

"ATTENTION IDIOTS!" bellowed a new voice. Ruby and Sapphire turned to see Emerald standing on the coffee table with a megaphone in his hands.

"ON ACCOUNT OF THERE BEING NO CONSENSUS, WE WILL BE GETTING VEGEMITE INSTEAD OF BUTTER OR MARGERINE!" boomed Emerald into his megaphone.

There was a moment of total silence. For the first time in the last hour and a half, Wally could hear the clock on the wall tick. It was nice. It was not to last.

"You wouldn't!" gasped Ruby.

"Don't you dare!" hissed Sapphire.

Emerald shrugged. "You snooze you lose! And anyway, you deserve it for arguing for an hour, thirty eight minutes and forty eight seconds on the dot about whether butter or margarine is better! We could have gotten both, but _nooooooo_, you had to argue. Which is why we're getting vegemite!"

Wally smirked. Finally, the come-uppance the two richly deserved. Thankfully the base wouldn't be butter free. He and Emerald had a secret stash container. It was a thoroughly washed out prune juice bottle. Whatever was kept in there still smelled of prunes, but it was better than nothing. Hopefully, it wouldn't affect the butter too much. And anyway, he was the only Hoenn Dexholder who could tolerate vegemite, so it didn't bother him too much. He also was pretty certain that Emerald had a secondary secret stash in one of his platform shoes. Wally wouldn't be surprised if he did, at any rate.

"Don't you dare buy that disgusting garbage!" snapped Sapphire.

"Yeah! No vegemite! You're more of a savage then Sapphire!" retorted Ruby.

"SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR VEGEMITE!" roared Emerald, now thoroughly enraged by the perceived stupidity before him. He may be small, but his lungs were mighty. "You brought this on yourselves!"

He brandished a credit card, turned on his heel, and bolted out the entrance. There was a split second pause before Sapphire rushed out after him. Ruby tried to do the same but caught the leg of one of the chairs and tripped face first into the sofa. Wally helped Ruby up as he pulled himself to his feet.

"How does she manage do that? She climbed over at least three pieces of furniture to get to the door!" grumbled Ruby, looking defeated. Wally shrugged. He probably was resigning himself to a margarine-less future.

"Uh….better luck next time? Oh, and maybe stop arguing with Sapphire? We're all getting tired of it."

It was worth a shot, no matter how long or far of a shot it was.

"Not until the barbarian sees the error of her ways!" said Ruby with a determined glint in his eye. He straightened his outfit, before rushing off in hot pursuit of Sapphire and Emerald.

Wally just sighed. Where was that bottle of Aspear Berry juice again?


End file.
